To change or not to change (my last name)

Katie Merrick, D.M.D., is a general dentist who splits her clinical time between Vermont Restorative Dentistry and Alpine Family Dental, both in Chittenden County, Vermont. Dr. Merrick is passionate about preventative oral health care, and she values working with patients with dental anxiety and special health care needs. Outside of dentistry, she can be found running, hiking with her partner, Mitch, and their dog, Crosby, reading, and baking.

When I announced to family and friends that my partner, Mitch, and I had gotten engaged last October, the first question I got was: “When is the wedding?” followed by: “Are you going to change your last name?” — a question to which I still don’t feel I have a good response. I need to decide my plans for my last name when I get married — a personal choice for myself and my fiancé, but also a public choice as a general dentist practicing in the community.

I’ve been having conversations with peers who are grappling with the same decision (mostly other straight cisgender women). Is this because I’ve gotten to “that age,” or because the number of women in dentistry and the average age at marriage have increased? From talking with friends and colleagues, it seems many of us feel overwhelmed with the number of, reasons for and judgment about last name choices. Older colleagues and even patients have shared with me their reflections in hindsight about their own last name decisions.

I started my brainstorming with Mitch by talking about my individual priorities and our values as a couple. Individually, I value my professional identity that I’ve curated. I’m the third generation of dentists in my family, and the first female Dr. Merrick. My dad and my dad’s dad were both dentists. I practice dentistry in my hometown and work for the practice my father owned before he passed away. It has been incredibly meaningful to tell patients, “I’m Dr. Katie Merrick,” and hear them respond, “Oh, you’re Ben’s daughter!”

Changing my name feels like a lot of administrative work. My current name is on our office signs and business cards and my scrub jackets. Patients have gotten to know me as “Dr. Katie Merrick.” Keeping my name would be the most convenient for my professional work. Some of my colleagues anticipated a last name change to align with graduation, board exams and state licensure application. I admire such organization and planning, but this timeline would not have lined up in my personal life.

I find myself seeking a secret third option, something other than the binary choice of keeping my own name or changing my last name to Mitch’s. Hyphenating names is a possibility, one that brings up subsequent questions as well. Whose name goes first? Do both of us hyphenate or just me? Do we keep our own names but if we have kids, give them hyphenated names? Another hybrid option would be to keep my name legally and professionally but socially use Mitch’s last name.

Mitch and I decided it matters to us to share the same last name. For now, we plan to decide on a new last name for both of us. In theory, we want this to be a name that holds meaning for both of us. In practice, we’ve joked about sillier and sillier choices. While I might wish there was a perfect, one-size-fits-all last name solution for all young dentists getting married, reflecting with colleagues about what and how they decided has helped me to figure out what I think is the right choice for me.